Free to Choose

I heard a teaching on anxiety by a pastor named Ben Stuart and the statement that stuck with me was this: “I exist to know God.” 

That statement got me thinking. I don’t exist to please people. I don’t exist to make a lot of money. I don’t exist to fit in. I don’t exist to be constantly entertained and comforted. I don’t exist to be in control and call all the shots. I also don’t exist to be anxious, stressed, depressed, and miserable. I don’t exist to be in constant fear and exhaustion. All of these things are part of life, but they are not my reason/s for existence.

At first glance this statement may be a turn off to some. Does knowing God require us to become a monk or a nun and spend every waking hour studying and praying? Nope. I am sure of that. The calling to be a nun or monk is an honorable calling, but for the rest of us I think the process of knowing God is a bit messier. Life isn’t as defined and perhaps as focused for us. 

Besides the fact that we wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for God, he isn’t an egotistical controlling God forcing us to know him. The fact that he gives us a choice is proof of that. Our choice however doesn’t negate the truth of the statement. We exist to know God because he made us to be in relationship with him. We are the object of his love, the reason for creation, the reason for all that we see and know, and what we don’t yet see and know. He loves us whether we love him back or not. We cannot affect his love in any way. We can’t make him love us more or less no matter what good we do, or how horrific we may live our lives.

God wants to help us navigate this life and live it the best we can for our own good. When I was first married I wanted with every ounce of my being to be a good wife but I wasn’t always able to live it out. I had baggage and scars that affected my ability to fully trust my husband. As much as I wanted to treat him the way he deserved to be treated in my own strength I couldn’t do it. The more I reached out to God for help, the better our relationship became. It wasn’t a quick process but it was a process that taught me that God wants to give us the desires of our hearts, and that he will be there walking alongside us teaching and helping us become who he created us to be. In order to be happy and content we need to be healed of the wounds life inflicts on us. 

How does this happen? There is no exact step by step process but it happens by earnestly seeking God. God promises this in Jeremiah 29:11-13, “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” 

I have found this promise to be absolutely true. My process included a church who became a church family, a Christian counselor, group Bible studies, my own personal studies, lots and lots of journaling being real and transparent with God, mentors, and trusted friends. 

When we as people insist we know best, we usually mess things up. Things like jealousy, envy, comparison, unbridled ambition all lead to unhealthy relationships. God wants to mold us from insecurity and comparison to security and the ability to celebrate good in and for others. There is no scarcity in God’s economy. What is given to others isn’t taken from anyone else. There is no lack in God’s economy. He has so much to give each one of us and he desires to do so. He will never give up on us either. He will wait and he will continue wooing and drawing us but he will never force us. 

Believe me when I tell you I made a mess of my life on my own. Even when I knew He was real, the blows of life convinced me to give up on God and I self destructed. Even then God rescued me, and He has blessed my life so above and beyond anything I would have ever asked or dreamed. Truly. Not because I deserve it. Only because of who He is. 

Knowing Him is the reason for our existence.

Knowing Him is the only way to true life and freedom.

“If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.”

Matthew 10:39