Good Enough
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“Never good enough gremlins”. That’s a term from Brene Brown that I’m almost positive we all experience and deal with. A vital question to ask ourselves is; where did the criteria that says we’re never good enough come from? Our individual answers probably won’t be exactly the same, however I bet most include some comparisons of our lives to what we see on social media, advertising, and the rich and famous.
I was recently on a social media site and I came across an app that said something like, “Do you wonder why your friends selfies always look so good?” It then revealed a video of what a person could do with this particular app. The person in the picture transformed into a completely different person right before my eyes. The video revealed her teeth being whitened, her complexion changed, her eyes were re-shaped and made larger, and her facial structure was minimized. This app is available to all of us ordinary people, so just imagine how the pictures of the magazine models are sculpted, nipped, tucked, and polished. This news isn’t new, we all know the photos are embellished, but as Brene Brown says, “It’s in our biology to trust what we see with our eyes. This makes living in a carefully edited, overproduced, and Photoshopped world very dangerous.”
This particular symptom may or may not be as applicable to those of us outside of the younger generation but make no mistake about it, we have the same struggle with feelings of never being enough. And I’m not sure we realize that most of us feel the same way. We tend to think that we are the only one who battles this belief. Let me assure you, you are not alone in this.
Through her research Brene Brown discovered what can help us overcome these fears and live what she calls a wholehearted life. In her book The Gifts of Imperfection she states, “Yes, we all struggle with shame and fear of not being enough. And yes, many of us are afraid to let our true selves be seen and known. But in this huge mound of data there was also story after story of men and women who were living these amazing and inspiring lives.”
She discovered that those living lives of inspiration aka the wholehearted, lived very differently than she did at the time, and I suspect like most of us. The wholehearted group of people understood that they had worth in spite of their imperfection. Perfectionism is the effort to avoid insignificance. We are each significant but we are not perfect. The two do not go together.
We are a busy people. And we are exhausted. We don’t feel like we have enough time in the day, but we do. We all have 24 hours in each day. The problem is not in the amount of time but rather the pressure we feel to pack more in a day than is humanly possible to complete. Too many of us find our worth in our busyness and even view it as a status symbol. Rather than running themselves ragged, the wholehearted population allow time in their lives for rest and for play. Rush and responsibility foster an atmosphere of constant stress and impatience which effects our health and relationships. These habits can lead to destructive ways of numbing the emptiness and disillusionment, that make no mistake about it, will at some point be the result of this lifestyle.
Faith, hope, and love are valued by those living a wholehearted life over the need for certainty and control. Feeling in control and self sufficient allows us to feel less vulnerable, however our feelings are not always accurate indicators of the truth. Having faith that there is a good God who is in control and loves us, gives us the ability to relax in the fact that we don’t have to have all the answers or have life all figured out. Having faith in a loving God allows us to have hope that he is working for our good, has an eternal perspective we don’t have, and loves those we love even more than we can fathom. When our lives or our children’s lives or our spouse’s life is out of control, I can surrender them to the God I know, and rest and play. I can accept that He will never set me up for the failure of perfectionism or weary exhaustion. He does not ask us or expect us to do what only he can do.
God invites us to come to him with all of our burdens, no matter what they are, in Matthew 11:28-30:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (NIV)
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (MSG)
“Are you weary, carrying a heavy burden? Then come to me. I will refresh your life, for I am your oasis. Simply join your life with mine. Learn my ways and you’ll discover that I’m gentle, humble, easy to please. You will find refreshment and rest in me. For all that I require of you will be pleasant and easy to bear. (TPT)”
Do you live with the constant pressure to be everything to everyone? Do you run yourself ragged in an effort to outrun what you are afraid to face? Does your worthiness depend on the number on the scale or how many likes your carefully edited selfie got? Is your worth based on the amount of money you make, the size of your house, or if your boss is happy with your performance? I could list so many possible scenarios. Whatever it is that drives you like a task master to do more, be more, please more, lay it down at the cross. It’s not yours to carry. God wants you to know, believe, and accept your worth period. Your worth is based on nothing more than his decision to love you. You are his child and the object of his affection. You are the reason for all of creation and for the cross. He created you exactly as he wanted you and you belong. You are loved. You are worthy. Period.
